So as I've mentioned before I currently work in the field of education. I'm not a teacher yet but I figure being a teacher aide will be good training for when I actually do get there.
As I was saying...I work in a special education classroom with 11 students and 2 other adults. Some of my students present some major behavoir problems that can make the learning process difficult for everybody involved, the teachers and the other students. As a result of these behavior problems, as well as the inability of the other adults in the room to interact with the students without sarcasm or antagonistic remarks, my job can be very very stressful at times. I often come home feeling drained both physically and emotionally and questioning if my desire to teach should be re-reexamined. Teaching, in any capacity, is not an easy job. It requires dedication from both the teacher and the student and sometimes I feel like the adults I work with and the kids just don't care enough to make it work. It sucks even more, to be quite blunt, because it is not my classroom. I don't have final say over most things, so my hands are tied in most situations. It's never good to feel unable to cause positive change in a situation that is clearly not doing well in its current form. So for the past few days I've been dreading going to work and looking for a new job. To be honest, I was starting to give up on this classroom...until today.
As I said, teaching is not an easy job. Today served as a reminder of why I want to work in this field. Don't get me wrong, there was no miracle that somehow made the kids remember how to act correctly or taught the teachers how to talk to the kids appropriately. The simplest thing refreshed my spirit and left me looking forward to tomorrow. Here's what happened...
It was a regular day today but towards the end I took the time to talk to one of the girls in the classroom about her behavior. This particular child can be the sweetest little girl in the world but then, in an instant, she'll be cursing somebody out, rolling her eyes at you, and talking back just as big and bold as a little demon. It's all because she wants attention so she resorts to trying to get it through negative behaviors. I was sitting with my arm on her shoulder and at first she tried to act as if I was bothering her by showing affection. As we talked and I explained to her that I am always there if she needs a hug or someone to talk to or just a little TLC she started to loosen up and feeel more comfortable talking to me. I told her that she's too smart a girl to let her school work suffer because of her actions and she's too pretty to act so ugly all the time. We talked about making and keeping friends and a little bit about good personal hygiene (she has a problem with under arm odor and some of the kids pick on her for it so I'm bringing deoderant and a washcloth to school for if her antiperspirant wears off from now on). She seemed to be very receptive during our conversation.
It was time for dismissal and I gave her a hug. As the other students were getting ready to go, I gave them all a hug as well along with a little reminder to come to school with a good attitude tomorrow. As I made my way to the door with my line of students who ride the bus, my little friend was standing behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw her standing there with her little arms wide open. She gave me a big old bear hug and layed her little head on my shoulder as I got my kids together to leave the classroom. Right before I left, she got on her tippy toes and whispered in my ear, "Thanks for acting like you care about me today. It was nice." I whispered back to her, "I wasn't acting, sweetie. Be good, get some rest tonight, and make it a better day tomorrow. OK?" She nodded and hugged me again as I walked out of the classroom.
It's funny how you can feel so good but so bad at the same time. I'm glad something as simple as taking the time to talk to her had some affect. However, I can't help but feel troubled at the idea that nobody else in her life does anything as simple as that for her as well. It's amazing how little some children receive as far as emotional support. These children come to school at a disadvantage because of whatever crap they've dealt with at home the night before or even that morning. Today reminded me that, even tho it is truly very difficult, I can have some positive impact on the lives of the children I encounter if I keep trying. The task is not impossible. I'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow morning. I'll be tired since I'm up at 1:24 in the morning writing this blog entry and I have to wake up in about 5 hours, but I'm still convinced it'll be a good day. I'm not naive enough to think that this minor breakthrough I had with this little girl will be enough to cause a lasting 180 degree shift in her behavior but I do believe that the seed has been planted. I'm gonna keep working on these kids so I can see them grow as much as possible. I'm excited about the possibilities before me.
Today I remembered that change is not just a noun but a verb as well. My students taught me that and I'm thankful for the renewal.
Until next time... Live righteously, Laugh freely, and Love hard
Blessings...;-)
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