A while ago, I wrote out some of the thoughts that had been tumbling around in my mind. A few of them centered around relationships, both past and present. I guess you can say that I'm in a period of limbo right now. I'm single, free and clear, but I find myself dating one person in particular. I never really did know how to juggle dealing with multiple people at one point in time. I have the freedom to do whatever I like with whomever I like but I choose not to. I"ve been spending a lot of time with this one guy, J. But I don't know where I should go with it. I'll put it this way, I feel like I'm caught in limbo. I'm treading water in the space between rebounding and settling. I don't think I'd be rebounding if I got with this guy but I don't think I'd be totally happy if I got with him right now either. Let me explain...
This whole transition period has been kinda tough for me. It's been about 4 or 5 months since my last relationship fell apart. I was trying to chill out and just play it cool and then this guy comes along. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't the first or the only guy who approached me after I became single again. However, he is the only guy that I gave my number to and actually followed through by accepting calls and occassionally calling myself. To be honest I really wasn't expecting anything to come of it. I thought he'd be a cool dude to maybe get up with every now and again to ease that desire for company of the opposite sex. Like I said, I was just trying to play it cool and chill out. It was easy to feel a little more comfortable with him tho since he grew up with one of my best friends so I guess I kinda looked at him as if he were "safe." Let me explain...
This guy is like one of the best dudes I could ever meet. He's the kind of guy who you think is cute but not necessarily sexy when you first meet him. He's the most respectful guy in the world. He takes his time...FOR REAL. I wasn't used to that. He's majorly sweet and attentive. He wants to spend the time to get to know you as a person before going any further. He's just like the nicest guy in the world... He's the guy that most females think is too nice and wind up tossing aside because the spark just isn't there like it is with the bad boys or the jerks they've been with before. So when I say "safe, " I mean that he's the type of guy that I knew wouldn't hurt me because I probably wouldn't get so wrapped up into him. Sad, but very true sentiments. Back to the story...
So I've been blessed to meet this great guy who seems to really care about me and you have no idea how great that feels. But I have to admit, even tho it makes me feel like a terrible person, sometimes I think I'm falling prey to the mistake that so many girls make: I said I wanted to meet a nice guy, but now that I have I don't know if I like him enough...sometimes I think he's too nice. How retarded is that?
I never thought I was one of those girls who wasn't happy unless they were struggling in a relationship, you know. The last relationship I had was nothing but uncertainty for me. It was a constant struggle trying to figure out where the guy's head was concerning me. With this dude, I know for a fact how he feels. There's no games and really no need for them. He's just honest and upfront about his feelings. But every once in a while I think about how I've felt for people in the past during these beginning phases and, sadly, it's not the same. But I don't understand why. I mean spending time with this dude has made me see how little I expected and demanded in my last relationship. I mean I gave all I had and got maybe 60% or less in return during the good times. I expected only like 45% tho. I know now that my low expectations were a major factor in why things fell apart with him and I. This dude made me realize how sad that is. This dude made me realize that I want more. But what I really wanna know is, "Why am I not sure that I want more with him?" Don't get me wrong, I care about the guy and I love spending time with him but I don't know if I care enough. I never want to make anybody feel like I felt in my past. So let me know your thoughts.
I'm curious to hear the male and female perspective on this one so feel free to comment and leave your 2-cents.
Looking forward in 09'. Until next time...
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4 comments:
#1. u need to change ur settings cause u clearly didn't write this a month ago...lol
#2. u have a typo (u spelled realize wrong...once)lol
#3. i'd say u got about 40% out of that relationship
#4. u don't know cause ur not ready. if u were even the slight bit ready u'd have even an inkling of a thought of being with the most ADORABLE, GREAT J...lol...ur keeping him around now cause he brings u comfort and some type of 'stability' in ur unstable state. sometimes this things pass and sometimes they take time...how much time really depends on you chica.
Well thank you for editing my work....heffer. lol. Naw, but I know whatchu mean. I know I'm not ready yet and stuff. He knows that too. But it just sucks cuz he's so freaking great, as you already know. I'll figure this crap out tho. I'm back on my blog flo tho homie.
It's funny that you wrote this blog because I know exactly what you mean. You always want to feel with any guy a spark and chemistry that leaves you wanting and hoping for more and you want it to ge genuine. I think that the best relationships are those where you dont start with the spark because it only leaves time for it to grow. Starting out with a crazy spark sheds disappointment when the moment comes that its dimming. Either way be true to self. You aren't ready and don't let no one pressure you to be any different. Because in the end the nice guy wont finish last if you find clarity within yourself.
wow. You know its pretty funny that i had to read that blog. i mean i looked at all the others and just scrolled down but that one caught my eye even before i read the title. Well, i guess you i should just get to the point..lol. I like this blog because i can relate to both sides of the story. i mean its like you wrote this for me. In the past, i been in some really rough relationships, where i would give it my all and the other person gave way less. It was like 75 to 25. A relationship is suppose to be shared responsibility. i use to think being the nice guy didnt cut it, but i never gave up because there would always be another girl to catch my heart. The cycle never ended though so i ended up wasting my time in another relationships or maybe it wasn't a waste since you always have experiences to look back and have as a gauge for your other relationships. everyone has there limits so eventually, i stopped being the nice guy. It seems like the best way to show emotions these days is not to. It's seems everyone is putting on a concrete wall around their heart so i guess i joined the tend. I'm still a nice guy, but i feel like i hold it back when it comes to relationships. Also, as with you, there's this nice girl in my life. she very cool and i would never think she would hurt me, but i just not sure if i like her enough to go out with her. Only care about her because she is nice and because i like the company. It's a weird phrase to go through, but im not trying to rush into anything as of now because i dont feel I'm ready. At this point, i dont feel love has a home in my heart. i guess this is why you won't give that chance. AND AS I WAS WRITING THIS I NOTICED YOU WROTE THIS A YEAR AGO BUT WHAT I WROTE WAS DEEP SO READ IT..LOL. SORRY FOR THE LONG COMMENT TOO.
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