Hopping in the Blender: night owl realizations

Surprisingly, I went to bed last night and woke up this morning with the same feeling nudging at my gut: I just felt like writing and I'm loving it. Like I said, writing has always been a constant in my life. Whether it is journal writing, poetry, short stories or whatever else I've always had a passion for it. Believe me, one of these days you'll see my name on the binding of some book in Barnes & Noble. Authorship is definitely in my future. :-)

But anyways... So last night I played into my natural tendencies to be a night owl and stayed up kinda late. My head did not hit the pillow until close to 3:00 am. I just wasn't ready to call it a night. I don't know if any of you can relate to this but I'm one of those people whose mind is constantly buzzing. I'm always thinking about something throughout the day. Whether it has to do with what I have to do next for school, planning out the following day, or reflecting on past events in my life and wondering about the why and how of their unfoldings, my mind is always fully occupied. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing--most likely it's both depending on what I happen to be focusing on at the moment-- but that's just how I am. Take it or leave it, love it or hate it. So I find myself staying up later than I probably should just so I can give my mind enough time to power down and level out with my body. There's nothing like being tired in your body but wired in your mind, especially if you have to wake up early the next day.

Now, while I was chilling out and watching tv my mind just would not quiet down. I started thinking about all types of things, barely paying attention to what I was watching because I was so zoned out. It turns out that the movie I was watching was a kid's flick called "The Seeker: The Dark Rising." It was a pretty good movie too. You guys should check it out. A certain scene from the movie caught my attention tho. The main character was this teenage boy who just found out he's the last person who has the power to save the world from being enveloped in Darkness-- both metaphorically and literally. That's a major responsibility to have when you've just turned 14, lol. So this kid and his dad are having a discussion about the duality of life. The father is talking about how there are components of light and dark, good and bad, seen and unseen to everyone and everything in the universe. This whole idea was connected to physics but that's not my forte so I won't even go there.

Basically, the conversation really struck a nerve in me. I had been busy dissecting my life and the most recent happenings within it the whole time the movie had been on. While I've always subscribed to the belief that people and objects are never just one thing, I hadn't ever really applied the theory to myself. I mean don't get me wrong, I know I have many different roles in my life (daughter, sister, student, friend, etc.) but that's different, in my opinion, from the concept I was toying with last night. There's something interesting about the idea that there are dual sides of a person, the seen and unseen. I'm just starting to see the truth of it in myself.

All my life I have been concerned with how I'm viewed in society. Now, I'm sure most people feel similarly to a certain extent. I'm trying to care less. My closest friends always tell me that the initial vibe I give off is that I'm reserved, quiet, and kinda shy. Some have even gone as far as to say that I seemed stuck up and antisocial, lol. But after getting to know me-- after I let my guard down-- they saw that their initial impression of me was far from the truth.

Not many people get to meet the real me. Some see Whitney, the reserved, and somewhat serious good girl who kind of stays to herself. She was raised by some pretty strict parents so she lived a very sheltered life and is just now starting to spread her wings. Others have met Sade--two of my closest friends christened my "alterego" as such-- the adventurous, straight-talking, curious, open-minded, sensual woman who comes out to play when she feels like it. And still others (mainly the children I work with or watch) spend time with Ms. Bell (better known as Lula Bell, a childhood nickname that still follows me to this day) who loves musicals, read all the Harry Potter books and watched the movies up to now, and who still remembers the words to most of the songs from the version of Cinderella that Brandy starred in But only a handfull of people have come close to meeting all three of them, especially in a blended manner.

Well, I'm tired of caring about how people will perceive me based on which side they view at the time. So this blog is something like my starting point. I'm hopping in the blender ya'll!! Stay tuned!!