Rude Awakenings...

It's amazing how well you can think you know a person and then be so utterly surprised by their actions. Over this past weekend I came to the conclusion that somebody needs to write a guidebook about how to act around your ex given specific time frames. It's become clear to me that some people are clueless about boundaries and respect. As a result of this special brand of cluelessness, friendships and fond feelings in general can easily be lost.

Maybe some would disagree with me, but I'm not a jealous person. I pride myself on the fact that, while I can be a a very emotional creature, I still know how to respect that reality of life situations I find myself in. Whether I'm immersed in booship (that inbetween stop that offers eclusivity but no official title, been there, done that) or navigating the waters of singledom and dating I know how to accept things simply for what they are even if I may wish for more. With that being said, I'll admit I was a little worried when I found out my ex would be coming into town and possibly attending the same function as myself. I didn't know how it would be to interact with him, face to face, nearly a month after ending our relationship. I didn't know if the friendship we had been trying to build, despite our romantic split would be natural and strong enough to not be vulnerable to the attacks of awkwardness that I feared. And I wondered if I was ready to see him at all, knowing that things were/are still so fresh for me. I put all of these thoughts away and decided to just chill, have a good time, and trust that I wouldn't make it weird since I knew he wouldn't make it weird. He and I even discussed my feelings a few days prior to his arrival and I felt fine. Looking back on it now, I see I was justified in my wonderings and possibly having my first psychic experience, lol.

As I said before, I'm not a jealous person and I know how to respect the boundaries of reality. I'm a firm believer in the saying, "It is what it is. It can't be anything else." So I know and understand that once a relationship is over, both parties are free to do whatever they choose with whomever they choose without having to answer to anybody, including and especially not their ex. However, I also believe in courtesy and mutual respect as well, if not moreso. Basically what I mean by that is, he can do him (as I'm sure he has been doning in his own city), but when you're around me please don't flaunt it this soon in the game. I didn't think I'd have to worry about that with this dude tho. I thought I knew him well enough to know that he would consider my feelings. After all, we are friends, right? Hmmmm....

Well, with everything that I've said, how would any of you feel if your ex came into town only a month after your break-up and posted up with one female for the whole night when his typical M.O. is to just chill and mingle? How would you all feel if while enjoying yourself and dancing you look up and find him grinding on this female as she stands with her back up against the wall? How would you feel if, as they stand directly under a spotlight, displayed for everyone to see, you notice that he's dancing with her the way he used to only dance with you, or so you thought? How would you all feel if he allowed her to lead him by the hand to the coatcheck and affectionately hold him while he got her jacket? How would you feel if he gave your mutual homegirl that was standing right by you a hug and then moved to walk away all together, not even acknowledging your existence? How would you feel if they left together, in your city only one month after it would've been you?

I don't know about you guys, but I felt disrespected. Like I said, he's free to do him. What I don't understand, what hurt is the fact that he felt the need or the desire to be so blatant about it. This is my city!! He doesn not live here. Why??!! I mean, if I ever doubted the love he still claims to have felt/feel, I definitely do now. Care doesn't just go away that easily. I know men and women are different in how they deal with things, but damn. There's not that much difference in the world to explain the 180 degree shift I witnessed in him that night. I was purely shocked. I never would've imagined he would act like that. Never. I've always prided myself on being a pretty even combination of a helpless romantic and a realist. I thought the helpless romantic in me would help me continue to believe in love without becoming jaded or bitter by the wrongs committed against me by my past or future lovers, while the realist in me would enable me to remain capable of seeing my lovers and my relationships as they truly are, without rose-colored glasses. I see now, that the helpless romantic in me overpowered the realist as related to this guy I once considered to be so special. I see now, he is just an average guy who I tried to cast in the role of a superman. It's hilarious but I actually used to call him my own personal superhero, nicknaming him Super Mir Man. What a joke.

I guess I just wonder how a person can become so detached from their supposedly deep and true feelings of love for another. On second thought, it doesn't make me wonder because I know that that's not possible. I know deep inside that the lack of care, respect, thought, or consideration of my feelings he displayed was the result of emotional disconnection from me that happened a loooooooonnngggg time ago. I know that now and it's funny to me. I mean, people never really recognize what they have in front of them. And even tho we're not together, I still look out for him. I will never talk bad about him because there's a reason why I loved/love him. Nobody knows the circumstances of our break-up besides a few very close friends of mine. I still wish him nothing but the best in life, for him to be truly happy. It's amazing what I get in return.

So Friday, October 24, 2008 marked the end of a friendship that spanned about 5 years, and a romantic encounter that lasted for almost 2. "...It was good seeing you and have a nice life. Ok, bye," are the words I left on his voicemail that night and I meant them. No relationship, whether friendly or romantic, can survive when the foundation is questionable. This past weekend called every experience, thought, and belief I've had about or heard from this man. I don't need that in my life. The lesson is learned.