From Friends to Lovers, yeah. But From Lovers to Friends? Hmmm...

As a rule, for the most part, I have never entered into a romantic relationship with someone who wasn't my friend first. I've always required a connection beyond physical attraction and that initial intrigue associated with the beginning stages of liking somebody. With that being said, I can confidently say I am well acquainted with situations where friends become lovers. Interestingly, I'm now in a situation where lovers are trying to become friends, if that's even possible.

Let me clue you in real quick. Since I was in high school, I have never ended a relationship on a good note. Either I had hard feelings, or he did, or we both did, regardless, my relationahips have always ended badly. I mean, after time passes I've always been able to hold cordial conversations with these guys when I run into them on occasion but we've never really kept frequent contact. In other words, the friendships that my relationships were built on always seem to shrivel and die since neither party ever tried to maintain them. I'm realizing how immature and almost spiteful I've been in the past so I'm trying to respond differently in my current situation. But it's definitely hard.

Recently I was talking to a good friend of mine, one of the resident Divas in my life, about my recent entrance into the land of singledom, lol. I was commenting about how I had just realized how close I had let my ex get to me. It shocked me because, as I've said before, few people really get to know me. He's come the closest besides my bestfriend and immediate family. I was trying to handle the situation like I always do (pretty much cut off contact for at least a while), but for some reason it was really bothering me. I couldn't understand why I wanted to share a few things with him and nobody else, not even my best friend. My homegirl enlightened me a little bit after I shared this with her. She said "no relationship can compare to one between a man and a woman." I'm wondering if that's true.

My friend reasoned that when you're with someone romantically, like really with someone, you let them inside you in a way that a friend or a sibling can never penetrate. I think she may be onto something. When you really allow yourself to become involved with somebody, your relationship evolves. The intimacy between the two parties mixes and mingles with all aspects of the relationship, including the underlying friendship.

Now I've been in a few relationships (literally a few since my standing total is three when talking about real relationships, lol) and I've experienced love. But in the past I didn't exactly share myself like I could have. Like I said, I typically have a guard up with people. So it was easier for me to let those relationships go and say goodbye to the friendships as well. But the same was definitely not the case here. Interestingly enough, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't say goodbye to this friendship. So now I'm trying to be more mature about things and make the transition from lover to just friends...But is that really possible?

When you've fallen in love with someone and separated for whatever reason, that doesn't mean the feelings go away. You could go have sex with someone the next day or even hop into a relationship with someone else, but none of that means the love is gone. I mean, does it ever really go away after it's been truly felt? Honestly, I don't think so. I think it simply evolves or loses intensity. With that being said, how do you go about being just friends with someone who used to share your bed; the person who used to say "I love you" before getting off of the phone almost everytime you talked. Those three words still have the same meaning in my heart, but now they just don't get said. Oh well I guess.

It's just weird to me and, at times, it's hard. We're really trying to work on our friendship. Sometimes that strikes me as funny and, at others, scary. I alternate between wondering if keeping contact with him is healthy because it may hinder me in moving on, on the one hand. Then on the other, I wonder if keeping contact with him will truly close the door for us. I don't like either of those possibilities, honestly. I don't know what will happen but this is a unique journey for me and sadly there's no instruction manual on how to go about exploring this new territory. I'll keep you informed on what I find out tho.

Until next time...